• Left of East- An Introduction

    In the summer of 2013, I embarked on a solo backpacking adventure across Northern Michigan. With no one to talk to along the way, my journal became a powerful and necessary companion. I wrote journal nearly every day, sometimes many times a day, to capture the events and insights of my time on the trail […]

  • One Cry Fix All

    My submission to The Moth Detroit StorySLAM topic: “Blood Sweat and Tears” When you go through a difficult time in your life, your body naturally deals with it by going into shock. This is a beautiful response because it allows you to go on with your life and get through every day when you’re not […]

  • A Real New Yorker

    They say you’re not a real New Yorker until you’ve cried in public.

  • CH@NGE

    The mathematical symbol for change is a neat little triangle Δ. I can remember drawing it on my notebook with a pencil. The teacher told us what it meant, and we took her work for it, but I wondered why, if we were describing change, did my pencil end up back where it started. There has […]

  • Light on Blight

    I grew up in a sweet, serene, safe community: a bastion of purity in small-town Michigan. We had no world-class issues. The police blotter in the local paper was comedically innocent: “raccoon topples garbage can,” “local man double-parks van.” But not too far away, trouble loomed large. Detroit, with its towering tombs was a shame to […]

  • On Solitude

    People, like deer and celebrities, tend to cluster amongst themselves. Anytime you should encounter a sitcom star, be still! Lower your gaze. Chances are good that his Emmy-winning girlfriend and the whole supporting cast will come trundling after.

Day 11: Crooked Lake to Cross Village

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7-16_sunsetLast night, I dreamed I was caught by the police in my illegal campsite- I guess nothing is without costs if you have a guilty conscience! I seem to have an abundance of that. Tonight, I’m on the Lake Michigan shore by Cross Village- camping illegally, again. It may be the prettiest place I’ve ever slept.

Watching the sunset right now, it occurs to me that I have never truly watched a sunset alone. If something is beautiful or appealing to me, why do I always need someone else to enjoy it with? It’s undoubtedly nice to share a sunset or a walk with someone else, but a lack of company should be no reason not to do something I like.

I’ve taken a lot of photos and posted 1-Second–Every-Day clips for a compilation video, and Allison wrote that article about me- so many opportunities to be judged and validated by others! I’ve been thinking about how I value other people’s opinions of me so highly, but forget that I am “other people” to other people. I can zoom out and see an image of the world where everyone is constantly engaged in assigning value to other people’s stuff and putting their stuff out to be valued by others. That constant validation cycle is pure folly. I will always care about what other people think- probably more than I’d like to- but I hope at least to judge my acts, opinions, and even photos, for myself first. Continue reading →

Day 10: Petoskey to Crooked Lake

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Beautiful Petoskey! I’ve been resting here since my birthday walk-a-thon. I’ve walked from the campgrounds along Lake Michigan into town. Mom, Grandma, Sarah, and a friend of Sarah’s came and visited me yesterday. When Sarah saw me she said “I thought you’d look worse!” so I made sure to show off my blisters, scratches and bruises. Mom gave me a GPS, which I reluctantly accepted, since I lost my last one. She also gave me a huge pile of other birthday gifts, which was may have been objectively nice but definitely frustrated me. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, and its not that I don’t like what she gave me, but I am literally carrying everything on my back and this trip is not about stuff. There are so many birthdays that have been and will be about gifts, this is not one of them.

As the latitude increases, the population decreases. From the relatively populated Traverse City area, to the tourist hub of Mackinaw, into the true wilderness of the Upper Peninsula, my surroundings will become more raw as I gain experience. I wonder if I’ll make it all the way to Copper Harbor and Isle Royale. This week has been hard, but I have had the safety net of nearby towns and even my family nearby to offer support as I need it. I look forward to slipping away from those supports. I want to test myself even more. Continue reading →

Day 8: Side of the tracks to Petoskey State Park

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Today, for my birthday, I trekked a mile for each year of my life. I mentally travelled through the years as I went, remembering where I was, what I did. When I started off this morning, I wasn’t sure if it would be able to do it so I just figured, “I’ll try” and what a great feeling to accomplish it!

7-13selfieMom offered to come up to meet me today so we could celebrate my birthday, but I decided I wanted to spend it alone. I have a lifetime of birthdays to spend with friends and family and this is a wonderful chance to celebrate with myself. I took a selfie to commemorate the occasion- Happy Birthday to me! Continue reading →

Day 7: Landslide Lookout to Side of the tracks

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A hard day- fitting for the last in what has been an incredibly tough year. Tomorrow is my birthday.

This morning I crossed the 45th parallel. For a long time, I have been searching a way to differentiate the past from the future, a reason why tomorrow will be different from yesterday. I have made promises for tomorrow so many times, only to fall short. It’s like I’ve been saying “I’ll be different starting now….starting now…..starting now…” and after so many failures it’s lost meaning over time. I waScreen Shot 2014-07-12 at 9.21.04 AMnted a line in the sand between the past and the future and now I have one, an invisible but perfect line. Continue reading →

Day 6: Pickerel Lake to Landslide Lookout

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7-11 sunsetI’m only a mile or two from the 45th parallel, I can feel its energy. The invisible line between the Equator and the North Pole is a symbol to me, a sign of passing from my old life into my new. It’s a way of making a fresh start. I can’t wait to cross it tomorrow.

I’m camping illegally, as in, not in a designated campsite, but it’s a beautiful spot, I’m not close to any official sites, the sun is setting, and I don’t want to go any further.

Continue reading →

Day 4: Sand Lake to Log Lake

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I got lost again today, in more ways than one.

Screen Shot 2014-07-11 at 11.57.07 AMThroughout the day, I lost the trail a few times, once by a surprisingly wide margin. After blundering awhile with my compass and map, I found myself on a long paved road. But what road was it? I snuck a look in someone’s mailbox and to check the address on their mail and figure out what street I was on. Clever trick right? Yes, but the road on the envelope wasn’t labeled on the map, so it did me no good. Continue reading →

Day 3: Traverse City to Sand Lake

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Up until today, I have been hiking on biking trails, streets, and awkward connecting paths to get me to the North Country Trail. Just before setting up camp for the night7-8_NCTsign, I saw my first trail official trail marker- exciting stuff!

Ok, that concludes my obligatory positive-thinking opening remarks. Now, I want to focus on all the shit that I’ve screwed up already.

Continue reading →

Days 1 and 2: Sutton’s Bay to Traverse City

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My first night camping! My tent is pitched (hung) and my little stove is fired up, cooking a meal of ramen noodles and sardines. I am proud and happy.

firstday-departureYesterday, walked the 20-some miles from Sutton’s Bay to Traverse City. The first casualty of procrastination is sleep, and I lost almost all of it the night before last as I tried lamely to prepare for whatever it is I am now attempting to do. I sat in the middle of a room with my gear all around me and tried to make sense of it all. There was packaging everywhere, since pretty much everything was brand-new and I figured out what to put where and if it would all fit while half-watching “Summer Magic” with Mom. The next morning, I woke up ready to go and utterly fearless. I think it was a mix of excitement, shock, determination and sleep deprivation, but my brain was laser-focused on “this is it!” I thought of leaving directly from the rental house that my family was staying at, even though the is no trail for 10 miles from there, but that extra distance would have made it too hard for me to get to Traverse City in one day, and it would also have meant walking down the same road that my family would later drive down, and there is something about that picture that would definitely have killed Mom. So, we ended up all leaving together- me, Mom, Dad, Nikki, and Sarah. They drove me to my trailhead at Sutton’s Bay, and pulled over on the side of the road at my trailhead. After some surreal goodbyes, I started walking and they drove away. Continue reading →

Are We Capable of Us?

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prty

One day into new love’s joys
I start to overanalyze
So far, it’s come too easily
My hope is guarded carefully

I wish I could see in advance
so I don’t have to take a chance.
Without wasting all that time
perhaps we’d spare your heart, or mine.

If I give myself to you-
Will it last? Can I be true?
Will it ever be enough?
Are we capable of us?

So come, look in my eyes awhile.
And don’t you speak, no do not smile.
I want to know what I will see
And if you will look back at me.