• Left of East- An Introduction

    In the summer of 2013, I embarked on a solo backpacking adventure across Northern Michigan. With no one to talk to along the way, my journal became a powerful and necessary companion. I wrote journal nearly every day, sometimes many times a day, to capture the events and insights of my time on the trail […]

  • One Cry Fix All

    My submission to The Moth Detroit StorySLAM topic: “Blood Sweat and Tears” When you go through a difficult time in your life, your body naturally deals with it by going into shock. This is a beautiful response because it allows you to go on with your life and get through every day when you’re not […]

  • A Real New Yorker

    They say you’re not a real New Yorker until you’ve cried in public.

  • CH@NGE

    The mathematical symbol for change is a neat little triangle Δ. I can remember drawing it on my notebook with a pencil. The teacher told us what it meant, and we took her work for it, but I wondered why, if we were describing change, did my pencil end up back where it started. There has […]

  • Light on Blight

    I grew up in a sweet, serene, safe community: a bastion of purity in small-town Michigan. We had no world-class issues. The police blotter in the local paper was comedically innocent: “raccoon topples garbage can,” “local man double-parks van.” But not too far away, trouble loomed large. Detroit, with its towering tombs was a shame to […]

  • On Solitude

    People, like deer and celebrities, tend to cluster amongst themselves. Anytime you should encounter a sitcom star, be still! Lower your gaze. Chances are good that his Emmy-winning girlfriend and the whole supporting cast will come trundling after.

Day 18: Pine to Naomikong Creek Shelter

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7-23_nctAnother day of total solitude. I think most women in my situation might fear the possibility of encountering someone, might fear being taken advantage of. But in the safety of my imagination, I absolutely hope for it. Once again I‘ve been comparing myself to a soldier (I’m such a cocky asshole). This time though, the stereotype I identify with isn’t a water-logged Vietnam Vet, but a love-sick WWII trenchman who gazes longingly at the picture of his sweetheart back home. In other words, I’m horny like a soldier.

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Day 17: Gamble to Pine

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7-22_treetopsLast night I slept over 11 hours. This is the second morning in a row I woke up after 10 hours or so and then went back to sleep. It felt wonderful. I was totally surrounded by forest, completely alone. There was a soft breeze and the sun shone through the trees. I stared awhile through the roof of my tent at the trees above me and drifted off again. Sleep till noon? Don’t mind if I do!

Sleeping long hours and walking alone with my thoughts all day is like being in a continuous dream. My mind is like a lighthouse and my brain is the light, resting on a pool of mercury. Wherever I cast my gaze, I send a steady beam of light out in front of me. I feel healthy in body and mind. I am completely at peace. Continue reading →

Day 16: Breevort Lake to Gamble

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7-21_damThe UP has been good to me so far. It is very peaceful here. Not a whole different world like I might’ve expected. It is all familiarly natural, just maybe turned up a notch; slightly wilder, slightly hillier, and a little–over-slightly more solitary. I have not seen any people today, no wildlife either, really. I passed a beaver dam that could have been promising but there was no activity, chances are the little beavers were resting in the heat of the day. I moved on.

I filled up my canteen in a river today and the water was reddish yellow. It looked like I had already dumped a bunch of iodine in it, or, more unsettlingly, like a bottle full of pee. I am grateful for a recent conversation about Tahquamenon Falls, where I was reminded of the tannins that die the water a rusty color. If it hadn’t been for that, I would find it almost impossible to drink this water, and it’s all I’ve got! Continue reading →

Day 15: Straits State Park to Brevoort Lake

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7-20_mac bridgeMy first full day in the UP has been far from seamless and it’s not the fault of the trail or the terrain or the outside world, it’s just me.

First thing this morning I found the trail really easily but accidentally headed the wrong way. It worked out though because I ended up at the Visitor Center right across the Mackinaw Bridge and I had a few questions. The first thing I saw when I walked in was a decorative display of “Jiffy Mixes” boxes as a demonstration of the awesomeness of our state. I proudly told the people behind the counter that Jiffy was made in my hometown of Chelsea, Michigan- thus marking the one and only time in my life that I actually increased my social status for that little tidbit! The people there were really nice, they even let me use their computer so I could log into my bank and figure out my routing number- which is the last step I needed to complete to finalize my health insurance. I actually phone-ordered some health insurance from the ferry ride to Mackinaw Island yesterday. It’s ridiculous trying to do “real life” things on the trail but somehow I worked it out.  It’s finally taken care of. I think. Bring it on, UP.
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Day 14: Mackinaw City to Straits State Park

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7-19_stormyskiesOh my god, last night. First of all, I’m so glad that I stayed in a hotel. We had a colossal storm. The wind was so bad that a semi-truck was actually blown off the Mackinaw Bridge. Good call, me.

I really enjoyed the storm since I knew I had a dry space to go back to. I scampered all around town, staring at the massive incoming clouds and taking pictures of the foreboding weather. It looked like there was a sky battle going on between Lake Michigan and Lake Huron. I thought a line from the book I just read where Nicola Tesla describes a “brisk wind, richly charged”- that’s exactly how it felt, it was electrifying. Continue reading →

Day 13: Wilderness State Park to Mackinaw City

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7-18_soggytrailI’m sipping coffee in a cute little bookstore in Mackinaw City, trying to relax myself from the inside out. I walked from Wilderness State Park this morning through truly disgusting conditions. Last night’s storm showed no signs of stopping this morning so I sucked it up and headed out in the driving rain. The trail was so flooded that, for awhile, I was literally walking through a river.  I was mad at the world in my soggy shoes. The rain finally stopped but I’m soaked through.

I found this little shop that sells coffee and postcards I’m sitting here in my muddy gear, trying to act like I belong in a cafe. There are two guys in the back dressing up for an old-timey tourist photo in costumes that include dresses, fans, and long white gloves so I guess I’m not the only self-conscious person here.

Mackinaw City is my last stop in the Lower Peninsula- I’m thrilled to be so close to the mysterious wilderness of the Upper Peninsula! In my mind the UP possesses some quality of “otherness” that is very wild, very remote and very natural. On the opposite end of the spectrum is historical, car-free Mackinac Island- just a ferry ride away from where I am now. My memories of the place are not flattering, I remember the entire island as a tourist trap from which there is no escape. The air as a mixture of extremely sweet fudge and horse dung. I prefer the smell of walking on pine needles (though don’t have the right to cast judgement about smells in my current state.) Anyway, I just think Mackinaw is unfortunate portrayal of Michigan’s version of culture. Continue reading →

Day 12: Cross Village to Wilderness State Park

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Screen Shot 2014-07-17 at 5.46.00 PMMy motivation has been flagging more and more these last few days, today more so than ever. Sore feet, 90 degree-pus weather, unbearable humidity and buckets of rain have made me doubt how far I’ll make it. I thought seriously about quitting today for the first time when every step made my feet scream. I’ve worried about food and water and getting lost but if my feet don’t work, none of that other stuff matters. I plunked down on the trail and did some surgery on my shoe to alleviate the pressure on my left big toe and things stopped being so dire. But still, I crossed a line- I actually considered quitting!

I set out on this trip without defining an ending. I figured I’d take the Forrest Gump approach and go until I’m ready to go home. I’ve considered various finishing lines, some geographic, some symbolic: hiking to the “End of the Road” in Copper Harbor is the original dream but I might not make it that far; going 500 miles would be really cool; hiking until I’ve been “symptom-free” form bulimia for 4 weeks would be great; or maybe I’ll just keep going and going until I get to Wisconsin or Minnesota or Canada and hitchhike on a sailboat all around the Great Lakes. With no set finish line, there is a danger that I’ll give in to a moment of weakness and quit before I’m really ready but I gave up so much of my life back home for this trip, I think I’ll stay awhile. Continue reading →

Day 11: Crooked Lake to Cross Village

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7-16_sunsetLast night, I dreamed I was caught by the police in my illegal campsite- I guess nothing is without costs if you have a guilty conscience! I seem to have an abundance of that. Tonight, I’m on the Lake Michigan shore by Cross Village- camping illegally, again. It may be the prettiest place I’ve ever slept.

Watching the sunset right now, it occurs to me that I have never truly watched a sunset alone. If something is beautiful or appealing to me, why do I always need someone else to enjoy it with? It’s undoubtedly nice to share a sunset or a walk with someone else, but a lack of company should be no reason not to do something I like.

I’ve taken a lot of photos and posted 1-Second–Every-Day clips for a compilation video, and Allison wrote that article about me- so many opportunities to be judged and validated by others! I’ve been thinking about how I value other people’s opinions of me so highly, but forget that I am “other people” to other people. I can zoom out and see an image of the world where everyone is constantly engaged in assigning value to other people’s stuff and putting their stuff out to be valued by others. That constant validation cycle is pure folly. I will always care about what other people think- probably more than I’d like to- but I hope at least to judge my acts, opinions, and even photos, for myself first. Continue reading →

Day 10: Petoskey to Crooked Lake

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7-15_shoreline

Beautiful Petoskey! I’ve been resting here since my birthday walk-a-thon. I’ve walked from the campgrounds along Lake Michigan into town. Mom, Grandma, Sarah, and a friend of Sarah’s came and visited me yesterday. When Sarah saw me she said “I thought you’d look worse!” so I made sure to show off my blisters, scratches and bruises. Mom gave me a GPS, which I reluctantly accepted, since I lost my last one. She also gave me a huge pile of other birthday gifts, which was may have been objectively nice but definitely frustrated me. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, and its not that I don’t like what she gave me, but I am literally carrying everything on my back and this trip is not about stuff. There are so many birthdays that have been and will be about gifts, this is not one of them.

As the latitude increases, the population decreases. From the relatively populated Traverse City area, to the tourist hub of Mackinaw, into the true wilderness of the Upper Peninsula, my surroundings will become more raw as I gain experience. I wonder if I’ll make it all the way to Copper Harbor and Isle Royale. This week has been hard, but I have had the safety net of nearby towns and even my family nearby to offer support as I need it. I look forward to slipping away from those supports. I want to test myself even more. Continue reading →

Day 8: Side of the tracks to Petoskey State Park

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Today, for my birthday, I trekked a mile for each year of my life. I mentally travelled through the years as I went, remembering where I was, what I did. When I started off this morning, I wasn’t sure if it would be able to do it so I just figured, “I’ll try” and what a great feeling to accomplish it!

7-13selfieMom offered to come up to meet me today so we could celebrate my birthday, but I decided I wanted to spend it alone. I have a lifetime of birthdays to spend with friends and family and this is a wonderful chance to celebrate with myself. I took a selfie to commemorate the occasion- Happy Birthday to me! Continue reading →