Relationship Blobs

I know that you are human and that you have depth and that you are infinitely more complex than I will ever have the capacity to comprehend. But. Let’s put that aside for the sake of discussion and pretend that you and I and everyone is just a little blob of energy, emanating out in all directions around us.

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Over time, we little blobs can grow. And when you are alone, you can grow in any direction you want within the confines of space and time. For 360 degrees all around, there is room to move and change and grow in ways good and bad.

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But to be alone is also to be exposed. Often, we seek the company of other blobs for comfort, protection and support. Two blobs together are often happier than either would be alone. Together, each partner gives up some freedom of motion, but they also gain from the radiance that the other puts out. Two lives may interweave at different points and at different breadths. Ideally the matching is even, the two align back-to-back, leaning on and looking out for the other.

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When two blobs come together, they may join in ways vast and ever-changing. But in each coupling, there is both reduced vulnerability and reduced range of motion. So while a partner can support, they can also block.

There are all kinds of ways for this to go wrong.

Two blobs may join at a single tiny point. In this way they do not harm each other, but neither do they provide much support.

Screen Shot 2014-01-07 at 1.35.19 PMTwo blobs may block each other’s growth- cutting off their partner in exactly the direction they want to go like a cast over a bone that isn’t broken.

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And even then it is not always so balanced, sometimes a relationship is more like an acquisition than a merger, one blob happily overpowering while the other suffers a smooshing.

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Within your relationship, you must have access to the direction of movement that you need, so that you and your other blob can grow and thrive. But what if you are oriented such that you are connected in the exact spot where you or your partner needs to grow? What if, despite every effort, you cannot rearrange the con-blob-erate? Then you must choose: either sacrifice that need or separate to gain exposure. Choosing your own growth over your partnership does not necessarily mean that the relationship was bad, but simply that it was blocking something that desperately needed access to sunlight, air and dimension. This is not a judgment of the relationship lost, but merely a reflection of the need for development in that point of contact.

Many acts of life are better done with a team. And it is difficult to break off and reconfigure that team once you’ve begun certain pursuits: raising a family, creating a home, sharing a life. The trick is to become yourself before you give yourself to someone else. The way is to reach reach reach out on your own before you cut off access to those parts of you that want to be free. The goal is to balance the support and the growth, the stability with the freedom. Then you may blob along, secure in your self and your team to face the road ahead, and whatever it may bring.

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